Loss

How do you morn your losses? Any loss. Big or small. Do you morn it? or just push on through? I Push. That is my nature. "Don't cry over spilt milk" they say. So I don't. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" So I Bury it down. deep deep down and beef up. I am so good at this, the evidence of disturbed soil is almost non-existent . No clues as to the debilitating emotional massacres lurking among the roots and worms.

Perhaps I am not as good at it as I would like to think. Another adage "Fake it till you make it" (and I do quite often). If I am Honest there are far to many "Whys" in those buried crime scenes. No one likes to admit a wounded ego. It's shameful. Defeating, So I won't, even though mine is.

If those carcasses just can't seem to compost, like they are supposed to. Then what? Do I exhume the horrors from below? Resurrect them? Do I build them a shrine? Where I can hit my knees and pray to the Gods of Success and Failure "Please, Please, not again". Or perhaps a funeral prior, Where I can send all the defeat to the angels. To be dealt with by heavenly grace. Something I have no proficiency in.

I like that, surrendering my loss to something greater than myself. After all I am just a lowly Homo sapien . Clinging to this planet for dear life. flinging paint and profanities like a monkey flings poo. I need all the help I can get. We all do.

Protip: Fuck spelling when venting your bullshit.

Protip: Fuck spelling when venting your bullshit.

I wrote them down one by one. Filling up the pages with the marks of my failure and loss. Built a pretty shameful smokey fire and threw them in one by one. They burned fast! Smoke and flames. Before I new it all my pain had turned to ash. 

Here is to not forgetting the power in letting go

May your heart be light, your hands never idle and your mind inspired
Dawn